Hollywood and Vine - Script

Title: Hollywood and Vine
Image: view out car windshield driving on highway, zoom out to Colin applying make-up, in monitor car trip continues
Colin: I almost ran over Liza Minelli today! I had just got back from Chrome City. I had been to the funeral of an old friend who had been fumigated to death accidentally. Her house had termites. She was upstairs when the fumigators came. They sealed off the house and pumped it full of poison gas. They found her next day, slumped underneath her hair dryer. The workmen claim they knocked several times on the door to see if anyone was home but they received no answer.

It is a two day drive to Chrome City and I was very tired. I was at Hollywood and Vine. I had the National Enquirer on the seat beside me with the Farrah Fawcett Major’s headline. I just glance at it when suddenly she was right in front of me. I slammed on the brakes and I managed to stop the car. I rolled down my window and turned to explain to Ms. Minelli that I had just glanced at the headline but she just smiled and didn’t seem to want to hear my explanation. She’s not as pretty as her pictures.

I was pleased when the young couple from next door asked me to go to supper with them to the Ship’s restaurant. I especially enjoy going to Ship’s Restaurant because each table has its own toaster, and the service is very efficient. I don’t really approve of young people living with each other when they’re not married. In fact I’ve suggested several times that they do get married. But then they just laugh at me and say that I’m old fashioned.

I’ve always thought of myself as being very modern. (puts on sunglasses)

Cut to CU Colin in drag
Sometimes I come out here to the Mohave to look for the skeletons of dead ponies. (removes glasses) I have continued my late husband’s hobby of assembling the skeletons of dead animals. I would like to find a pony skeleton. I have not yet tried to assemble anything by myself but I’m sure with practice that I could become quite skilled. I used to help my husband all the time. He was very good, especially with the delicate bone structures of the vampire bat and the frog that he assembled. Oh and there are specimens of several large insects that are mounted as well. The tarantula is the most impressive. We were out camping at Joshua Tree National Monument. I found it in my sleeping bag as we were about to go to bed one evening. We killed it by sticking one of my insulin needles through its head so as not to damage it. I may start assembling them into boxes but they are so small, that is why I would like to find a pony skeleton. There is enough to keep me busy. Sometimes, when I can’t sleep at night, I go down to the rec room and look through all the shoe boxes with the bones of separate animals in them that have yet to be assembled. It is a comfort to me to think of my late husband’s hobby being carried on. My best friend finds it a morbid idea. She calls my basement the little mortuary. The bones of the pony skeleton will be bleached very white by the sun. It is very hot here today in the motel but I have brought plenty of water with me. (puts glasses on) I am hopeful that today I will find one.

Cut to CU Colin in desert looking, then walking into landscape and disappearing (he is wearing a dress and heels)

Music plays from The Platters
Living is a dream, when you wake it seems
Enchanted
Others take for granted,
All the world’s aglow, they ought to know
When you touch a star then you really are
Enchanted
Find the seed and plant it
Love will make it grow

Credits:
Music The Platters
Assisted by Lisa Steele
Colin Campbell 1977